What do I do with an opinionated control freak?

Lauren writes, “I’m in a relationship with a very opinionated man. He knows everything about everything! He’s rude, self centered and he doesn’t even get it when I point it out. I’m at the point of moving out and moving on. My problem is I know he’s in love with me, I hate to hurt him by saying it’s over. What should I do. I can’t live with a control freak!”

Well… there is a lot going on here Lauren.

First things first- Lauren- your kindness- that is your not desiring to be hurtful is never a good starting point as to whether or not you should be in or stay within a relationship. That is a reaction made from a position of weakness- guilt- and frankly that is a whole other topic.

Let’s tackle the easiest first. It is virtually impossible to change or modify  another’s character and behavior traits without the others comprehension & acknowledgement that there exits problems in the first & has a willingness to change. On our own our wishing it so only leads to continued unhappiness and a significant loss of time.

Another and possibly a more important query would be: ” Is the relationship sufficiently important enough that both you and he would be willing and desirous of professional counseling. If you and or your significant other  are unwilling to do the hard work necessary to confront the  problems than frankly all other explanations, recommendations and or advice are fundamentally irrelevant.

That aside it is important to realize that all relationships have their difficulties in one form or another and when  you reside together, those flaws, difficulties issues, etc… are only more magnified and intensified..

I understand that your issue and comments are directed and centered upon as well as towards your lover . However, without placing blame have you taken a serious look at why you are with a “rude” and “controlling” partner?

What I have uncovered through my own mishaps & travails is that my relationship choices were singularly mine and were a result of the good the bad and the sometimes ugly of my experiences & my reactions to them. Not until I realized that I had to fix me, love me sufficiently enough that not only would I not be in a destructive relationship I was not attracting them either.

Early on in my own – as I call it relationship rehab- is that if a personality type was continuing to appear in my life – it was me who was attracting this kind of person or character flaw.

Cause  don’t we all have a little bit of control freak in us? We don’t really notice it until we are around someone who is more controlling than we are.

What I find the most troubling from your comments is the “rudeness” component. Although, its impact is different upon us all and is defined differently by us all – I would ask you what is the nature of this “rudeness” – how does it manifest itself, is it done privately – publicly or both-? His rudeness can be an indication of his disrespect for you in such a manner and frequency that no matter what can only leave you in disharmony, sadness and a personal loss of self.

Lauren equally important is that you never shared within your comment that you were in love with him. I think that is the key. Certainly something to reflect upon.

Lauren I can not nor will I tell you to stay or move on but I will suggest this. Read what you wrote to me. Write down each negative then start a column of positives. I think you already know what is best for you. Seeing it in writing will bring clarity.

It’s now girl, its your life -take control- you know where you want to be & should be – and always follow your instincts and intuition-

Keep me posted.

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